iDear Diary
by tayB
Summary: Sam's diary entry after a certain event. summary is horrible, but the story isn't. rated T for minor swearing.


**A/N- so this is my first ever fanfic, iCarly or otherwise. sorry if it's not that great; i liked it, but i might just have horrible taste compared to you all. i really hope that's not that the case though :/ oh well, enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: i don't own iCarly, i hear this guy named Dan Schneider owns it though. i also don't own the Jersey Shore, really not too bummed about that one._

Dear diary,

I kissed Freddie! Oh my god, I kissed Freddie! How could I kiss Freddie? Not just kissed, but made out with him! For about 27 seconds, not that I was counting or anything.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not freaking out over the fact that I kissed Freddie, it's not like that hasn't happened before. I'm freaking out because I kissed Freddie, Carly's boyfriend! How could I kiss my best friend's boyfriend? I'm going to hell for sure now.

I know you're probably thinking how out of character this is for me; freaking out over doing something wrong. It's not that I did something wrong that's bothering me, it's that I did it to Carly. The girl's been my bffl for forever, and how do I repay her? I make out with her boyfriend, that's how. Granted she did go after Freddie even though she knew that I liked him, but that's beside the point. You just don't go after your best friend's guy, girl code #2.

Although girl code #3, states that you never go after the guy your friend is crushing on, but apparently Carly just hadn't reviewed the rule book lately. Wait, what am I doing? Why am I trying to justify myself? The kiss was wrong and that's that.

I mean sure, I've wanted to kiss him again ever since the fire escape a few years ago, but I'm not supposed to act on it. I'm a Puckett, I'm supposed to be more in control than that. I'm supposed to barely tolerate the boy, not jump his bones the first time we're alone together.

Why am I freaking out about this so much? It was a harmless kiss. One that'll never happen again… unfortunately.

Screw it. I'm not thinking about it anymore. It never happened. I didn't kiss Freddie. It didn't last 27 seconds. I certainly wasn't counting. And I most definitely did not enjoy it. There, now maybe if I repeat that over and over again, I'll start to believe it. No thinking about it, Puckett.

…

It wasn't even my fault. It was his damn chocolate eyes' fault, that's whose fault it is. He knows I can't resist chocolate, or food of any kind. But he just had to go and argue with me; and stare at me with those Hershey's kisses he calls eyes. And in all honesty, he leaned in first. I was just an innocent bystander. And his lips were just too soft to ignore. Those lips that were like two marshma… wait, STOP IT. Stop thinking about it; it never happened.

UGH. If carly had just kept going with her non-feelings for the nub, this wouldn't be happening. I could've kissed him freely without feeling any remorse, whatsoever. But, noooo. She had to realize how attractive and awesome he is and steal him right out from under me. I still think that she only likes him for his muscles and not his personality. I mean come on; the only thing that's changed about him is his nubbish exterior. He hit the gym instead of the computer room, and all of a sudden he's the man of Carly's dreams. Way to be shallow, Shay. Way to be shallow.

Damn it, I'm doing it again; blaming Carly for this. I need some ham.

…

Why am I still thinking about it? He's probably not even thinking about the kiss at all. Or he's telling his precious Carly that I attacked him with my lips and threatened to beat him up if he didn't kiss back. Or he told her about it, and they're laughing about how desperate and stupid I am.

I DIDN'T EVEN INITIATE THE KISS. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

Gah, why do I always like guys who never like me back? Just once, I'd like a guy to like me for me. Am I really that horrible of a person? I know I'm no Carly Shay, but I have some redeeming qualities. I can't think of any at the top of my head right now, but I know they exist. I'm not a troll, at least I hope I'm not.

Oh god, what if I am a troll? What if that's the reason why no guys like me? What if I'm just sitting here thinking I'm an insanely awesome person, when in reality, I'm the biggest troll alive. Oh god, what if guys see me like Snookie from Jersey Shore? Oh my god, just kill me now.

I need to stop thinking about this, and everything in general. I'm going to bed and putting this whole day behind me. Hopefully when I wake up, I'll stop being this Carly-fied version of Sam and go back to being my usual Sammish self. Please god, let that happen.

Carly-fied Sam, signing out.

Note to self:

-avoid Freddie

-buy chocolate

-buy marshmallows

**yet another A/N- i don't know where this came from, it just randomly popped in my head and i started writing it down. as of right now, i have no scenario for what the argument between sam and freddie was about or why sam would compare herself to snookie, apparently she just likes to watch mtv reality shows. if you don't know who snookie is, you're really not missing out. my apologies if you really like the Jersey Shore.**

**thanks for reading, and review if you want to =D**


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